Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
