Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Your cock deserves a montage
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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