can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
