I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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