Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
