Jerry, you need to find god
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
