I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
