If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
