I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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