my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
