So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
