the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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