If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
