Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
