do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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