Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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