what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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