I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
