Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
