Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
