so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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