We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize