Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize