it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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