the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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