a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
