That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
