My girlfriend figured out who you are.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
