Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize