Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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