Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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