i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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