My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
