Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
