i may or may not be watching the land before time
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
