Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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