So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
