Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
