This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
