all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize