What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
