He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize