Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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