my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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