i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
