Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
