I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
