I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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