Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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