My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
