I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
