your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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