I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
