Screwed.edu
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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