Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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