Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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