you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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