I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
