If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
it was like eating out sand paper
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize