I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
