I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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