I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
