Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
