none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
